Match of the Day - no, no, no

Unjustifiably smug, endlessly banal, sickeningly sycophantic, insidiously insular, and forever infuriating. Match of the Day is back and it epitomises everything that is wrong about the English game.

It wasn't always like this, there used to be a time when I'd savour every minute of the show but I don't know whether it actually was all that good anyway. Maybe growing up I just didn't notice how shallow the show was or maybe it's standards have slipped, either way, when I tuned in last night the theme tune whipped up a nostalgic sense of joy and anticipation that soon gave way to shaking anger at the sight of the panel.

They may as well use archive footage of Hansen for all the lazy cliches and groans that fart out of his face. Similarly Shearer needn't be there at all because he says nothing, absolutely nothing, that can't be perceived by anyone actually watching the screen. When he reminded us that Geovanni of Hull is Brazilian, I honestly didn't know whether he was attempting to be clever or funny and he failed to be either. Does anyone seriously find him thought-provoking or humourous? What's his function? Is it any wonder that we don't produce intelligent and talented footballers or managers when the two Alans are presented as totems of insight and wit?

Match of the Day obviously isn't alone in this feckless phenomena but surely as the most prominent football show it shouldn't wrap itself up in this smug self-reverence that it far from reserves. There are countless reasons to explain why England has failed to cultivate it's massive resources into any notable successes but having a spineless, wilfully ignorant, anti-intellectual, and arrogant mainstream media creates or exacerbates a culture of self-delusion and insularity that will always hold England back.